Hard Life Lessons

 

I am an educator. 

I am a children's minister.

I am a learner.

The past days kind of have been a little stormy somewhere inside my heart. 

Of course, God's grace is always more than sufficient. 

His joy is forever rock-solid. 

SO?

What is bothering me? 

That I had to find this blog, open it after many years and decide to write something this afternoon?

Well, this is me processing all the things I have read and the videos I have watched and listened to about the Ravi Zacharias scandal.

I felt a rollercoaster of emotions that included sadness, disgust and anger. Why?

I've realized this whole expose has triggered something in me. 

You see, I have high respect for God's leaders and His ministry. 

Basically one of the many reasons why I went to Bible school and took my Masters in Theology was to peak into the lives of pastors and ministers and learn from them.

On the other hand, much of my frustration in the ministry many years ago was caused by the inconsistencies and disconnects I have seen in the lives of some of the leaders I have met. I piled up failed expectations simply because my standards were too high (yes, of course) and I undauntingly believe that Christian leadership requires exemplary qualifications.  

I am not a Ravi fan. I only recalled last year that I read his book, the Grand Weaver, a decade ago then forgot about the author. 

I only noticed him again a few years ago with his connections and friendships with some famous Filipino celebrities and some churches in Manila and Cebu.

I read about all the allegations thrown at him last year just months after he died. 

Then, this month the final report about his case and the open letter from his organization just shocked the whole world. 

You might think, Jaaane, you didn't need to talk about this.

Like, seriously? 

I took the time to read articles, comments, opinions from pastors, preachers and other ministers.

Why? Let me honestly share this. Last Sunday, I tuned in online for a Sunday service but I did not finish listening to the sermon. I looked for another male preacher. I started listening but again, I did not finish it. So I tried for the third time but to no avail. 

I had to talk to God after that and just pour out everything that's in my heart. "Lord, I don't feel like listening to any man right now!" All I see is Ravi's face.

I am thankful for all my wonderful sisters in Christ who openly chatted with me regarding the issue. I needed that!

Why should it affect us? 

Because it has happened, is still happening and will continue to happen  all around the world in Christian ministries if we do not do what we must need to do.

Nothing in what I've read convinced me so I thought I'd check on videos on radio talks and interviews. Then, I found Mr. Wretched. It was a short discussion yet it was filled with all the truth and wisdom I kind of needed to hear.  And briefly, Todd summarizes the theological smoke that somehow started belching in Ravi's ministry since 2004 (and who would know what else happened before that). 

Listening to some of his videos, you could tell that Zacharias was an extremely brilliant man who didn't fail to talk about kindness lovingly. He loved to tell stories too yet compromised truth many times (check out Todd's video for proof). 

Oh, by the way, prior to finding this WRETHCED video, I also listened to Ravi's last public interview in the hospital with Ben Shapiro on March 19, 2020. And yes, he said all kinds of good things and talked about Jesus and prayer, too. 

(Sigh, more sighs!) 

But really, it's all between God and  Ravi on his deathbed. (consoled sigh)

So I am writing this for all the...

Lessons? Questions? Lesson? Questions? 

LESSONS!

When I first read the final report regarding this case, I asked four questions?

Where was the board of RZIM?

Where were Ravi's friends?

Where was his family?

Where was his church?

Now, it's time to look at myself just a little more closely.

The other day, I had a 7 year old girl ask me. 

Teacher, do you have any secrets?

Like do you have a crush?

Like what??? I don't have time for that.

In retrospect, I took her question to heart. 

Do I have secrets? Secret things? Secret sins?

Do you?

Who doesn't?

Maybe we've all had in the past. And it should be in the past. 

Because now if you confess to be Christ's disciple and is still living in sin or secret sins,

You will be accountable for your own unrepentant heart. 

Yes, you do not need to be a famous preacher, apologist or whatsoever.

We will all face judgement---someday!

And yes, I shall conclude this now... (peace sign)

Please ask this very important question.

Ask yourself.

Ask your church.

Ask the ministry you are supporting.

Ask the organization you are involved with.

And if you doubt the answer, please think, pray about it and get ready to leave.

I am nothing but a wretched, redeemed cynic. 

So, thanks for reading. 

Let's spread the TRUTH in LOVE.

May our God find us all FAITHFUL!

My Bible School Journey

Putting this blog together so I can continue to beautifully see God's mighty hand at work in my life.

November 4, 2010, I still vividly remember. That was my first day at CGST. I finally responded to the invitation. Teacher Daryl's random yet consistent invitation finally hit me. We worked together in a preschool and on some afternoons when we are free, we just talk about faith and life. One afternoon, I could recall when she asked if I might be interested to go to Bible school. I knew I found that very exciting that I went on to the next steps.

Miss Mary Larsen 

Project 108

I remember writing something about teachers with a mission. Today, I literally feel like I am walking in the clouds. This is kind of one of my many breakthroughs at the start of this month. Last Friday evening, while I was enjoying the sound of the rain inside a jeepney on my way to finish some errands for the Kindergarten, I thought of a sandwich ministry. Yeah, I thought why not? I can do it with the two teachers. We can choose a family per week. Visit them, talk to them, share the Gospel, pray and bring some food. So this afternoon, after dismissing all the kids and having the parents clean the classrooms, we set forth on our very first sandwich ministry- journey.

These kids accompanied us to our first destination.

Beautiful teachers Iris and Flor preparing our sandwich.

This was a cool treat for Agnes-Janice's mom as she is celebrating her 36th birthday today.

We have chosen to visit the seaside of the dumpsite first. Three of our Kindergarten 2 learners are residents of the area. We did not announce this activity and so the parents and the kids were all surprised. We saw how delighted the kids were when they saw Teachers. Janice's mother was wondering why we were there while Erwin's grandmother was suspecting if his grandson is in trouble. We told them we just wanted to see them, chat a little and enjoy the snacks we brought. I think that took all the tension away and we started laughing over our conversation that lasted for more than 30 minutes. 

Janice, Erwin and Jannah

It is not an easy life for these three cuties. Janice has 7 siblings plus one more baby coming soon. Erwin lives with his grandmother and grandfather as both his mom and dad have separate families already. When we came this afternoon, he went with his grandma to gather some woods to be used for cooking. Jannah  is the 5th child among 8.  I see these 3 everyday at the Kindergarten. I see their innocent and pure eyes. Do I see how poor and dirty they are? No, I only see HOPE, DREAMS and a BRIGHT FUTURE. It can happen. I believe. Amen.

Teacher With A Mission

Let me derive the title of this post from YWAM and let's call it TWAM. On Saturday, 5:30 am, I was at North Bus Terminal with a group of newly found friends and we were headed on a short island immersion. Weekends are workdays for me but this trip was totally worth the vacation leave so I went for it.

Camotes was going to be a two-hour boat ride from Cebu City. We were in the Tourist room and so we enjoyed the aircon and a pretty funny movie.

I was seated beside Beth, the amazing woman behind Project-Based Missions. It was great of her to tag me along this trip. We were both excited and the entire boat trip was just filled with interesting conversations, dreams, visions and revelations.

Why were we going to Panhay, Camotes? We will visit a village that was  badly affected by Typhoon Yolanda. They have gotten some help, some food donations maybe, but emotionally this people haven't gone through processing, debriefing and counseling especially the little children. 

The main goal was to join the thanksgiving ceremony of Thanks and Love, an organization that gave away six small boats for the community. Fishing is a main livelihood for the people in Panhay and the new boats will be a big help since not many of them have already recovered from the typhoon devastation.

Boats lined up and ready for a test-sail after the dedication ceremony.

When I'm with kids, my spirit flies.

So, what on earth was I there for? There were lots of kiddos around. They were the reason I said YES to this trip. I told myself I wanna go out there and bless these children and tell them about Jesus. That's what exactly happened. I was overjoyed to have come and while narrating the Gospel story (using some colorful fuzzy wires), I felt a crazy feeling in my heart that whispered I was in the perfect place and my King was watching.

I looked into the eyes of those little girls and boys and I saw sadness and fear and fright. They remembered Yolanda, they remembered the storm that wrecked havoc in their village but no one remembered them. 

Many kids told me it was the first time that people have come and brought treats for them and tell a  story.

 That was more than enough to break my heart! 

Will I return?

Yes, I will.

In the meantime, I will continue the mission God has for me here at the dump site.  

I immersed myself in this kind of experience so I will see how blessed I am to be serving my King today.

More than food, this world needs LOVE. 

These children need to hear that they are loved by an outrageous Jesus. They need to feel the touch of a brother and a sister that confesses themselves as Christ-followers. 

There is so much work to do. 

It was a life-changing weekend and I continue to affirm that 
there is no sweeter labor than laboring for my King.

My heart is glad, content and peaceful. 
I cannot ask for more but I shall dream bigger not for myself 
but for all the children in this nation and around the world. 
So, bless me God!